Song of Solomon 2:8-3:5: “Longing, Desire, and the Goodness of Delayed Gratification”

Let’s take our Bibles together and turn to the Song of Solomon. We are continuing our verse-by-verse study of this book. And today we examine Song of Solomon 2:8–3:5.  

We live in a world of instant gratification. I’m going to say that in the grand scheme of things that’s not a good thing. We have fast food, instant coffee, immediately downloadable entertainment, and instantaneous communication all around the world. 

That’s not necessarily a bad thing in every case. But it can create a sense of expectation for everything else in life. Why save up for something if you can just “buy it” on credit? Why cook a healthy meal if you can just get something quick, easy, and mostly healthy? 

And here’s where instant gratification becomes especially problematic. How do we wait patiently for a spouse when we don’t really have to wait for much in this world? Pornography is cheap and easy. Sex outside of marriage is perfectly acceptable in our culture. Who wants to wait? Who wants to risk a long courtship especially when it might not materialize in marriage? Some people who want to get married, don’t get married. That’s just a fact in today’s world. 

And yet, there is a broad, biblical principle of the goodness of delayed gratification. There is goodness in the waiting. There is goodness in the searching. There is goodness in the longing for companionship. Sometimes that longing leads people to Christ. 

And the truth is, even after marriage, there is a sense in which longing, waiting, and delayed gratification are good. Nobody gets married and gets exactly what they want all the time without waiting. That’s a fantasy. 

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The title for today’s message is “Longing, Desire, and the Goodness of Delayed Gratification.” And we’re going to see that concept unfold through two scenes in this book. One involves a tranquil traipsing through the countryside in 2:8–17. And the other involves a nightmare scenario for the woman in 3:1–5.

Now last time, we ended with a pretty risqué sequence of events. The shepherdess and her shepherd were having a stimulating picnic with raisin cakes and apples (2:5). There was the language of passion and lovemaking in 2:6. And  then the woman calls the unmarried women of Jerusalem to account. She oaths them in verse 7!

    • 7  I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, by the gazelles or the does of the field, that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases.

She’s going to do the exact same thing at the end of our passage today—3:5. But before she does that, Solomon paints us a picture of what longing and desire look like. 

Many people see these episodes as flashbacks. It’s as if, the Shulamite takes these virgin daughters of Jerusalem back to her own time of waiting and longing. And she shows them what it was like for her and for her man to “not stir up or awaken love until it pleases.” I think that’s correct.

In other words, she’s making a case. She’s painting a picture and making an argument. She’s showing the young women of Jerusalem a better way. And the young men of Jerusalem need to listen up too. And the men and women of twenty-first-century American need to listen up too, as we discuss the goodness of delayed gratification.

She says in verse 8, 

    • 8 The voice of my beloved! Behold, he comes, leaping over the mountains, bounding over the hills.

Feel the parallelism here!

This woman calls her man, “my beloved” or “my love.” The Hebrew word is דּוֹד (dôḏ), which is the same word that was used as an abstract noun in 1:2, “your love is better than wine.” This Hebrew word has the same flexibility as the English word “love.” You have love for someone, and they show love to you. And so you call them, “my love.”  She calls him דוֹדִי (dôḏi)—“my love!”

And notice what this object of her love is doing. He’s leaping over the mountains. He’s bounding over the hills. This guy is thrilled to come see his girl. He’s jumping for joy! That happens sometimes when a man finds the woman of his dreams.

Look at verse 9.

    • -9 My beloved is like a gazelle

Notice the simile here—“like.” 

    • 9 My beloved is like a gazelle or a young stag.

Now this has to be a young guy leaping and jumping. After a few knee surgeries, you can’t jump like this anymore. That’s why I think this is a flashback to “the courtship stage” of her life. Because she likens her man to a young, strong, springy animal.

By the way, male gazelles can run upwards of 60 miles an hour. Here’s a picture of the צְבִי (ṣĕbî) or the Mountain Gazelle that still roams parts of Israel and other countries today.

The Mountain Gazelle (Hebrew: צְבִי [ṣĕbî]) [Click for Image]

These animals are really fast; you’ve got to be fast in order to outrun a big cat. And gazelles can jump ten feet vertically in the air. 

A stag (a buck) can run about 30 miles an hour and jump 30 feet horizontally. If there were ever a track meet between humans, deer, and antelope, humans would lose all the racing and jumping events. 

Look at the middle of verse 9.

    • Behold, there he stands behind our wall, gazing through the windows, looking through the lattice.

Now what is this? Why would the husband be gazing through windows and looking through a lattice? Why doesn’t he just go in the house? The answer is—he’s not her husband yet. This is a flashback to the time when she was living with mom and dad, and her shepherd admirer came to see her. And he’s anxious to spend time with her. 

Look at verse 10,

    • 10 My beloved [same word as before דוֹדִי (dôḏi)] speaks and says to me: “Arise, my love, my beautiful one, and come away,

The word for “my love” here is different than the word she uses for him. She calls him דּוֹד or דֹּודִ֔י (“my love”). He calls her רַעְיָתִ֥י. And the meaning of that word (רַעְיָה [rǎyāh]) is closer to “friend” or “companion” than “lover.”

But just so you know that this is not a platonic understanding of friendship—i.e., he put her in the friend zone—he immediately calls her also “my beautiful one” (יָפָתִ֖י). And he says, “come away with me!”

Now, let’s stop here and let me make a few applicational comments. This is a man who loves this woman and he wants to spend time with her. If they are unmarried at this point, he wants to marry her! He’s planning on it. 

And one of the important aspects of love and marriage is the following—do you like spending time together? There needs to be physical attraction, yes. But there also needs to be intellectual and relational attraction. There needs to be relational and even spiritual compatibility. 

The truth is that your relationship as friends in marriage will outlast your physical attractiveness. I wish that wasn’t true, but it is. The book of Proverbs says as much when it says that beauty is fleeting, “but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised” (31:30). These bodies wear out over time. But God-fearing increases. And friendship as a married couple increases too—at least it should. 

So when you are looking for a spouse, don’t just look for the person that you are the most physically attracted to. You need physical attraction, but you also need relational attraction. Can you spend fifty years with that person and grow old with him or her?

Let me say it this way, using the language of Song of Solomon—men, you need to be able to say both רַעְיָתִ֥י and יָפָתִ֖י. You need to be able to say both, “my friend” and “my beautiful one.”

And also, just by way of mutual affirmation in marriage, notice how these two lovebirds talk to one another. That shouldn’t change after five years of marriage or fifty years of marriage. 

Let me say that more prohibitionally—you never, ever call your spouse names. When Sanja and I do premarital counseling, we share with couples seventeen things that they should never do in marriage. We got that list from Tommy Nelson and a sermon that he preached twenty years ago. And the first of those seventeen rules is you never, ever call your spouse names—dummy, stupid, idiot, moron, birdbrain. Don’t you do that, married couples!

You can call your dog names. You can call your cat names. I do that all the time with my cats. But you don’t talk down or verbally insult your spouse. Or your children for that matter!

If you need help with what to call your spouse, take your cues from the Song of Solomon—“my friend,” “my love,” “my darling,” “my dove,” “my beautiful one,” “the one whom my soul loves.” Take those into your heart, and let it come out of your mouth. 

Let’s keep going. Look at verse 11.

    • 11 for behold, the winter is past; the rain is over and gone.

Where’s he going with this? Look at verse 12.

    • 12 The flowers appear on the earth, the time of singing has come,

What’s he doing here? He’s asking this girl to go on a walk with him! He’s asking her to come see the beauty of the countryside. In ancient Israel, you didn’t go to the movies with your love interest. And you didn’t get into an automobile and go out to dinner. In ancient Israel, you went for a walk during the daytime. Because bad things happen at night. Or good things depending on the context!

In fact, courting in ancient Israel was more like courting in America a hundred years ago than it is today. You spent time with the family. You spent time in groups. And if you were alone, you were alone briefly. The big change in human culture came with the automobile. That’s a gamechanger. 

And notice what this guy wants the woman to see. He’s a shepherd. He’s familiar with the beauty of the fields. 

Look again at verse 12.

    • 12 The flowers appear on the earth, the time of singing has come, and the voice of the turtledove is heard in our land. 13The fig tree ripens its figs, and the vines are in blossom; they give forth fragrance. Arise, my love, my beautiful one, and come away.

There it is again. “My friend!” “My Beauty.” “Come away with me!”

Now some commentators see this more as a man calling a woman to marry him, not go on a date. He’s calling her to a life together. And there are allusions throughout to the joys and the mysteries of lovemaking in the garden or the countryside. I think there’s something to that. 

And that doesn’t really bother me, because the purpose of dating should always be discernment for marriage. You don’t just date to date. That’s like pouring a foundation without any intention of ever building a house. It’s like going to the airport without any intention of boarding a plane. That’s futility. You date with the expectation and the prospect of marriage.  

Look at verse 14.

    • 14 O my dove, in the clefts of the rock, in the crannies of the cliff, let me see your face, let me hear your voice, for your voice is sweet, and your face is lovely.

Can he say that? Is that okay for a man to say to a woman? Yes, but there better be intentions behind that statement. Let me say it like this—there better be a ring heading towards that finger! You don’t get to say this on the first date. And you don’t get to say this to someone you have no intention of marrying. 

This is what Tommy Nelson calls, “escalating the relationship!” This man wants to be with her. He loves her. He wants to see her face. He wants to hear her voice. 

In fact, this may be even more escalation here than we realize. The word translated “face” here in the ESV could be translated “form” or “appearance.” If that’s what’s meant here then he’s saying, “I just want to see your beautiful form. I just want to hear your beautiful voice.” 

Sometimes I’ll call my wife in the middle of the day while she’s at work because I just love the sound of her voice. I just love talking with her. Her voice is a comfort and a delight to me.

When we used to live in Chicago, I worked at Soldier Field for a few years, where the Chicago Bears play. And Sanja worked at one of the downtown banks. And I used to call her in the middle of the day during my lunch break.

And there were certain perks associated with working at Soldier Field. Back then, they used to test out all the catering items for upscale dining on all of us lowly employees working in the bowels of the stadium. So at lunchtime, I got to sample filet mignon. And I got to sample Chilean sea bass with truffle butter sauce. And I got to sample pan-seared sea scallops. It was amazing. And I’d call Sanja and say to her, “You won’t believe what I’m eating right now!” 

But I didn’t just call her to brag. I loved hearing the sound of her voice in the middle of my day. It was even better than the pan-seared sea scallops. 

Similarly, this man just loves the sound of his “beautiful one’s” voice. He just wants to see her. He just wants to spend time with her. And that’s because he’s in love with her. And she’s in love with the boy. And that’s the way it should be. They’re preparing for life together.

By the way, there’s a contrast to this scene in the book of Proverbs where there’s another person peering through a window (Prov 7:6–12). In that scene, there’s a seductress who is looking for a young, gullible boy to pounce on. And there’s no desire in that woman for companionship or longevity in marriage. She just wants to eat and have her fill (see Prov 30:20). She wants her adulterous, sinful desires satisfied. 

And there are people like that in this day—men and women both (honestly, mostly men!). They don’t want longevity. They don’t want friendship. They don’t want marriage. They just want their sexual appetites satisfied. They just want to eat like a wolf. Stay away from those people like the plague.

And speaking of dangers out there, look at verse 15.   

    • 15 Catch the foxes for us, the little foxes that spoil the vineyards, for our vineyards are in blossom.”

Who’s talking here? And who is the “us” in verse 15? First, it was the woman talking in verse 8. Then it was the man talking in verse 10. Who’s warning whom about the foxes? Log that away, we’ll come back to that. 

Look at verse 16.

    • 16 My beloved is mine, and I am his; he grazes among the lilies.

O wow! That’s a change! Before verse 15, he was talking and he was trying to get her to spend time with him. Now she’s the aggressive one. What changed? 

Look at verse 17.

    • 17 Until the day breathes and the shadows flee, turn, my beloved, be like a gazelle or a young stag on cleft mountains.

Go ahead and write this down in your notes as #1. There are two scenes in this passage and then two cautions. The first scene is in the countryside. And the idea being conveyed is simply this—The wonder is worth the wait.

    • 1) The Countryside: The wonder is worth the wait (2:8–17)

This entire passage is bracketed by the oath that the woman gave to the daughters of Jerusalem—“Don’t stir up or awaken love until it pleases.” There’s an allusion to that same idea in verse 15.

    • 15 Catch the foxes for us, the little foxes that spoil the vineyards, for our vineyards are in blossom.”

That’s the warning that hovers over this entire text. Although the text itself is lovely and inviting. It’s almost like Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden enjoying their relationship without the hindrance of sin. The vineyards are in blossom. The flowers are blooming. The turtledoves are singing. It’s springtime, and it’s the time for love. Don’t rush it. Don’t force it. 

But something changes in verse 16. If I could say it this way, I think there is wooing and waiting in verses 8–14. The desire for one another has been lit. 

But verse 16 changes the equation. 

    • 16 My beloved is mine, and I am his; he grazes among the lilies.

In other words, the vows have been taken. The commitments have been made. Now it’s time to enjoy the goodness of sexual intimacy as God intended it.

And that’s intimated in the statement in verse 16.

    • he grazes among the lilies.

He’s not a gazelle or a stag bounding over the mountains looking for his doe. He’s found her, and he’s safe in her embrace. There’s nothing crass or crude here. But it’s not prudish either. 

And that sentiment is echoed in verse 17.

    • 17 Until the day breathes and the shadows flee, turn, my beloved, be like a gazelle or a young stag on cleft mountains.

In Hebrew thought, the day breathes at dawn. And shadows flee as the sun rises. So this woman has asked her man, her young stag—now that she belongs to him alone and he belongs to her—to stay the night with her.  

The end of verse 17 is especially suggestive. Some translate the text as follows, “Be like a gazelle or a young stag on the mountains of Bether.” The problem with that translation is that there are no mountains of Bether anywhere in Israel (or elsewhere for that matter). So the ESV is probably correct in interpreting this metaphorically as “cleft mountains” or “cleavage mountains.” Don’t make me spell that out for you! 

In other words, she’s asking him to join her on her body in the goodness of sexual intimacy.  

And once again, the Bible affirms the goodness and the delight of sexual intimacy in the context of vows, commitment, and monogamy.

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Now, as part of that. Let’s go back to verse 15. Here’s the first of two cautions in the passage. Smack dab in the middle of this passage on the goodness of anticipated sexual pleasure is this verse on foxes. 

    • 15 Catch the foxes for us, the little foxes that spoil the vineyards, for our vineyards are in blossom.

Foxes! What are the foxes? 

Foxes, just so you know, are almost universally presented as negative in ancient literature. They are negative in the OT (Judg 15:4–5; Neh 4:3; Ps 63:10; Song 2:15; Ezek 13:4; Lam 5:18). They are negative in the NT (Luke 13:32). They are negative in Aristotle and Plato. Whenever a fox shows up in Aesop’s Fables, usually he’s doing something bad or mischievous.

And so when we find foxes in the vineyards in Song of Solomon—that’s not good! You don’t want that! That’s clearly communicated here by the verb “spoil.” The foxes are spoiling the grapes in the vineyard by eating them prematurely.  

And the foxes here are a metaphor for the spoiling of sexual delight. And the principle conveyed is something like this—protect the garden of sexual delight. Don’t spoil it.

    • 1) The Foxes: Protect the garden of sexual delight (2:15)

How might someone spoil it? Well, the danger is to take the courtship relationship too far. The danger is indulging in the goodness of sexual pleasure at the wrong time. The danger is indulging in the delight of sexual pleasure with the wrong person. And the dangers are legion. There are as many dangers out there as there are people in the universe. 

And notice also the statement in verse 15. This is an imperative in Hebrew indicating a command.

    • 15 Catch the foxes for us,

Who’s being asked to do the catching? Who are the fox-catchers? And who are the “us” in this verse? 

Let me make a couple suggestions for this verse. The “us” is the couple. I don’t know if the woman and the man are speaking together, or if the woman is talking by herself. Either way, the “ask” here is for other people to help them keep foxes out of their vineyard. 

And we know from the grammar of what she’s saying that she’s addressing a group of people. These are fox-catchers. Because the grammar of the verb “catch” is plural.  

So from the woman’s perspective, she is saying “You people out there... y’all help us (the couple)... y’all help us by catching the little foxes.”

Who’s she talking to? She’s talking probably to her family. They are the fox-catchers. This might also include the community of faith. This might also include her lousy brothers that made her work too hard in the vineyard. They can help with this too! This might also include some accountability partners, if you catch my drift. 

The point is this—purity and the avoidance of sin is a community project. If you try to accomplish this on your own, you will probably fail. But if you involve others, you have a better chance of success. 

Just in terms of a NT expectation, it’s the church family that is called to hold its members accountable for sexual purity and sexual ethics. And that doesn’t stop when you get married. Paul was livid with a man who was sexually immoral in the Corinthian church. And he went after that church for not putting a stop to that deviant behavior (1 Cor 5:1–13; see also Eph 5:3–8; 1 Thes 4:3–8; Heb 13:4). So this is a community project!   

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Let’s continue in the text. Look at chapter 3 with me. 

In 3:1, there’s a hard reset of the scene. And it’s a bit jarring after the tranquility of the previous scene in the countryside. And it all leads up to that refrain to the daughters of Jerusalem in 3:5.

What we have starting in verse 1 is something of a nightmare.

    • 1 On my bed by night I sought him whom my soul loves; I sought him, but found him not.

Once again, we have a scenario where there is longing and desire. But in this case, there is not the intrinsic goodness of the search for love. There is instead desperation and sadness. 

And to add to that sense of despair, the word for “night” here in Hebrew is plural. So this is not a random dream that she’s having. This is a recurring nightmare for this woman. 

    • I sought him whom my soul loves; I sought him, but found him not.

Where is he? Is he working late? Is he on a business trip? Is he not even in the picture yet? Is she a single woman seeking companionship? We don’t know. The text is ambiguous. 

But I’m inclined to see this passage as a kind of dream sequence that portrays the longing and search for a soul mate. This woman wants someone to fulfill the creation mandate with. But there’s no one. 

In the previous scene, her man was seeking her. He was calling to her, “Come! Arise. Go with me!” Now she says, “I will rise” to go find him.  

Look at verse 2.

    • 2 I will rise now and go about the city, in the streets and in the squares; I will seek him whom my soul loves. I sought him, but found him not.

Again this has all the earmarks of a dream sequence. This is a fever dream. These are her anxieties being played out in her subconscious. The woman is longing for love. She’s longing for companionship. But her search has come up empty. And her desperation is rising. 

Look at verse 3.

    • 3 The watchmen found me as they went about in the city. “Have you seen him whom my soul loves?”

Just so you know, women wouldn’t wander around the city in the middle of the night in ancient Israel. If she was married, she wouldn’t do this. If she was young and single living with her parents, she wouldn’t do this. So this is fantastical. Again, the woman is longing for love, but her search has come up empty. 

When you juxtapose the two scenes together—the countryside and the city—you have the basis of a dating relationship. There’s excitement and there’s terror. There’s joy and there’s fear. There’s delight and then there’s trepidation. And there’s no way to really alleviate that. These are the emotions that lead up to the wedding vows. I should know. I officiate weddings. I’ve seen this. 

Look at verse 4.

    • 4 Scarcely had I passed them [the watchmen] when I found him whom my soul loves.

That’s the fourth time that she’s used that language in the Song—“him whom my soul loves.” This is the language of commitment. This is the language of monogamy. This is the language of exclusivity. The word “him” is singular. The word “whom” is singular. And “my” is singular. And “I” is singular too. 

So there’s one woman here finding one man to be together with for the rest of their lives. This is the hope that she’s longed for. And it brings her relief.

    • I held him, and would not let him go

Literally “I seized him, and I did not relax!” “Now that I’ve found him, he’s mine, and he’s not getting away from me!”

This echoes the language of Genesis 2:24, “Man shall leave his father and his mother and [cleave] to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” That one-flesh statement in Genesis 2 is both physical and metaphysical. They literally become one flesh in the act of marriage—their sexual union. But they also metaphysically become one entity. They become Mr. and Mrs. So-and-so. Their children see them as a unity. The post office sends their mail to the same address. 

You know some people call Sanja and I, “Tony and Sanja.” Some people call us “Sony and Tanja.” That’s okay. Our names become merged into one person. We are the Caffeys. Because Genesis 2:24, “Man shall leave his father and mother and [cleave] to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”

And speaking of one flesh (not metaphysical but physical), look at the end of verse 4.

    • I held him, and would not let him go until I had brought him into my mother’s house, and into the chamber of her who conceived me.

That might seem kind of odd to link sexuality to the house of one’s mother. Isn’t this the opposite of Genesis 2:24? Aren’t we supposed to leave mom and dad’s house? 

Well, don’t think of that literally. This is a statement of facts concerning the passing on of the generations. As mom and dad did, so do their children. Mom and dad became one flesh and brought children into this world. Now their child will do likewise. And someday the children they brought into the world will bring their own children into the world. And so on, and so forth. 

Life goes on just like it has for centuries. And that’s good. That’s what this woman has been longing for—to fulfill the creation mandate.

Write this down as a second point in your message. The second scene is the city. And the message conveyed here is that Delayed gratification is a means of sanctification. 

    • 2) The City: Delayed gratification is a means of sanctification (3:1–5)

I wish that I could tell you that waiting is easy. It’s not. 

I had a couple friends in seminary when I lived in Chicago who were single. One of them was from Nigeria, and the other was from Turks and Caicos. And these were good men—chaste and God-fearing. And they were a bit older than me too. 

And I had this conversation with them about waiting for marriage. And I told them during the course of our conversation, “Yeah, it was really hard for me to wait on the Lord as a single man.” And they looked at me incredulous. And they said to me, “How old were you when you got married?” And I said, “22!” And they laughed and laughed and laughed. They said something like, “Yeah, that must have been really difficult for you. You were really suffering there for a few years out of high school.” Eventually those two men did get married. And they expressed to me the difficulty of waiting. 

And again, I wish that I could tell you that waiting is easy. It’s not. It wasn’t for them. And I wish that I could tell you that sanctification is fun. It’s not. It’s satisfying ultimately, yes. But it’s not fun. 

Also, I wish I could tell you that every person who longs to be married will eventually be married. I cannot. God has not promised that to every Christian. And some people... like John the Baptist, like Paul, like Jesus, like Daniel in the OT... will live out their lives as a single person. And singleness is no barrier to a faithful, fruitful life.

And even for those of us who are married, we weren’t born married. And there’s no guarantee that we’ll die married. In other words, we might be single again at some time in the future, like Anna in the NT who was a widow for decades (Luke 2:36–37). Married couples rarely die at the same time.  

But I will say this, and this is the thesis of this passage of Song of Solomon. Delayed gratification is good. It’s a means of sanctification. And even if we wait till eternity for the perfect marriage to come, between Christ and his church, the delay in gratification will be well worth the wait. 

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Which leads us to the second warning in the passage. You’ve got the countryside and the city as the scenes. And for cautions you’ve got the foxes and the oath.  

The oath is found in 3:5.

    • 5 I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, by the gazelles or the does of the field, that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases.

Write that down as a second caution from this passage.

    • 2) The Oath: Don’t get ahead of the marital covenant (3:5)

 The old man Solomon in the book of Ecclesiastes says, “For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven” (3:1). There’s a time to be born, and a time to die. There’s a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted. There’s a time to kill, and a time to heal. There’s a time to weep and a time to dance (Ecc 3:2–4). 

And there’s a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing (Ecc 3:5). “God ‘has made everything beautiful in its time’ (Ecclesiastes 3:11), including the timing for intimacy within marriage. So when the time is right ... embrace. Yes, embrace to the glory of God!”

Similarly, Solomon says in the Song of Solomon through the voice of the Shulamite wife, “There’s a time to enjoy the pleasure of love, sex, and romance. We’re all for that as Hebrews. But don’t awaken that prematurely. Don’t rouse it outside of the marriage covenant. And don’t start something you can’t finish in holiness and obedience to the Lord.” 

And let’s go ahead and deal with this oath statement that involves gazelles and deer. Who makes an oath and calls wildlife as witnesses? What is this? And what does it mean to stir up and awaken love before it pleases? 

It’s really important that we nail this down, because this statement is oft repeated in the book of Song of Solomon. In fact, it’s the backbone of the whole book. It’s the chorus of the song that keeps getting repeated. What does it mean?

Here’s what it means. The author of the Song of Solomon is telling us that we can walk and chew gum at the same time. We can celebrate sex and romance as God’s good gifts. We can do that. We should do that. 

But at the same time, and without confusing the goodness of God’s good gifts, we need to make absolutely sure that we are enjoying those good gifts the way God intended them. To have sex outside the context of marriage is a mistake. 

And this Shulamite woman calls nature itself to back her oath. She calls the gazelles and the does of the field. The man is called a male gazelle in this passage. He’s called a stag. She’s calling the female gazelles and does of the field to back her oath statement. That’s either a reference to all the married women of the world—the does who have stags and the female gazelles who have male gazelles at home. Or it’s a reference to nature at large that says to young women in the world, “Do the right thing. Do love, sex, and marriage like God intended it.” 

Maybe even ironically, we have animals telling us as humans, “Don’t act like an animal. Behave like God intended it.” Keep sex in the context of marriage.

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And to that, someone in the room might say, “Okay, thanks for this ideal from the Bible, Pastor Tony. But I’ve haven’t abided that in my life. Not even close. I’ve made so many mistakes in the area of sexual sin, I don’t even know where to begin.”

If that’s you today, I do not condemn you. I’m the last person who is going to throw stones at other sinners. If modern statistics are correct, then upwards of 70% of evangelical Christians have failed in the area of sexual purity before marriage. And so there’s no doubt that some of us have failed to abide the oath that the Shulamite gave us to “not awaken love until it pleases.”

And if that you, this morning. Here’s how I would address your situation. Let me address it the way Jesus does in the NT. 

In the book of Luke, there’s this amazing moment where Jesus was having dinner in the house of Simon the Pharisee. And while they were eating, they were rudely interrupted by someone. This woman comes into the house and she’s weeping. And she’s referred to as a sinful woman. And she takes this flask of oil and pours it out on Jesus’s feet. And she begins to wipe his feet with her tears and with the hair of her head, and she kisses Jesus’s feet. 

And Simon the Pharisee, who is watching this, is shocked by it. “If this man were a prophet, he would have known who and what sort of woman this is who's touching him.” She’s a sinner. 

And Jesus answering said to him, “Simon, I’ve got something for you, buddy.” And to Simon’s credit, he listens. And Jesus tells a story about a money lender who had two debtors: one who owed a huge amount and one who owed a little amount. And when they couldn’t pay it, the money lender canceled both of the debts. And Jesus asked Simon, “Which of them will love him more?” 

Simon got the right answer—the one who had the larger debt. And then Jesus, turning to the woman, motioning towards her. And he says, 

    • “Do you see this woman? I entered your house; you gave me no water for my feet, but she has wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. You gave me no kiss, but from the time I came in she has not ceased to kiss my feet. You did not anoint my head with oil, but she has anointed my feet with ointment. Therefore I tell you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven—for she loved much. But he who is forgiven little, loves little.’ And he said to her, ‘Your sins are forgiven’” (7:44–48). 

At the end of that episode, Jesus turns to the woman and says, 

    • “Your faith has saved you; go in peace” (Luke 7:50). 

Jesus told the chief priests at another point in his ministry, 

    • “Truly, I say to you, the tax collectors and the prostitutes go into the kingdom of God before you” (Matt 21:31). 

The truth of the matter is this—sexual purity is good. It’s honorable. We should fight for it in our church community. We should hold each other accountable in this pursuit of purity. 

But we are not saved by our sexual purity. And we are not saved by being the best versions of ourselves or making up for our mistakes. The truth is that God only saves sinners and only sinners qualify for salvation. 

So no matter who you are or what you’ve done, you can be saved. The ground is level at the foot of the cross. At the feet of Jesus! Go to him. Trust him. Let him strengthen and restore you. And let him save your sin-stained soul. Pray with me!