Song of Solomon 8:5–14: "Can’t Buy Me Love.": A Divine Gift

Let’s take our Bibles together and turn to the book of Song of Solomon. We come to the end of this great book in 8:5–14. It’s a fitting end to an amazing book. And it’s the kind of ending where all the themes and ideas of the book come home to roost. 

In these last few verses of the Song, we’re going to see the folly of Solomon and all his wives and concubines repudiated. We’re going to see the goodness of monogamous, covenantal love demonstrated. We’re going to see the goodness of marital sex intimated. And we’re going to see the power of love (strong like death) celebrated. 

And—here’s something new—also we’re going to see the possibility of buying romantic love ridiculed. To quote 8:7, if anyone ever tried to buy romantic love, they would be “utterly despised.” Paul McCartney was right, so many years ago—“Can’t Buy Me Love.”    

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So without further ado, let’s look at Song of Solomon 8:5. Solomon writes, 

    • 5 Who is that coming up from the wilderness, leaning on her beloved?

If you remember from the previous section—it was the spiciest section in the Song of Solomon—the Shulamite was enjoying the goodness of sexual intimacy with her shepherd husband. 8:3 makes that perfectly clear. 

    • 3 His left hand is under my head, and his right hand embraces me!

That is the language of lovemaking. And it’s a steamy ending to the steamiest section of the Song. And as the curtains close on that scene, verse 4 is about as stark a contrasting statement as we find in the Bible. The Shulamite stops describing the goodness of sexual intimacy that she’s experiencing, and she castigates the virgin daughters of Jerusalem. 

• 4 I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases.

There are no references to deer or gazelles in this oath (like previously in 2:7; 3:5). This is a more succinct warning statement than she’s given previously. But the impact is the same. Sex is good. Don’t have sex until it’s the proper time. End of scene.

Now in verse 5, there’s a scene change. 

    • 5 Who is that coming up from the wilderness, leaning on her beloved?

Three questions to answer at the beginning of verse 5. Let’s identify the characters here. Who’s come up from the wilderness? Who is the beloved? And who is talking in verse 5? Let’s answer those questions. 

You should have this down by now. The beloved is the Shulamite’s shepherd husband. The one coming up from the wilderness is the Shulamite. We know that from the grammar of the Hebrew. And the people talking about it here are probably the virgin daughters of Jerusalem. They were just coached up by the Shulamite in verse 4. Now they are describing the Shulamite with her husband in verse 5. 

And notice what she is doing? She is leaning on her beloved. This is a picture of affection. This is a description of one spouse deriving strength from the other spouse. That happens in marriage. And husbands need to be the kind of men that can be leaned upon by their wives for strength, comfort, and affection.

And like we’ve seen before, the Shulamite takes the microphone in verse 5 and starts talking.

• Under the apple tree I awakened you.

The “you” there is singular. It’s a reference to her husband. And this statement is another reference to the goodness of sex in the context of marriage. 

Apples in the ancient world were used to describe the delight of the sexual experience. And the word “awakened” is the same Hebrew word that was used in verse 4 with the oath. There she said, “don’t awaken!” Here she says, “I awakened.” So “don’t arouse,” but “I arouse.” “Don’t arouse outside of marriage. Arouse inside of marriage.” Got it! Thank you, Shulamite. She’s teaching us!

    • Under the apple tree I awakened you. There your mother was in labor with you; there she who bore you was in labor.

The statement about being in labor is probably better translated “became pregnant” with you. I don’t think that a literal apple tree is being referenced here where both parents and children conceived. That’s not plausible. But at the risk of weirding everyone out in the room, let me just state the obvious—children do like their parents when they get married. That’s what’s being referenced here. I know it’s awkward to think about... but it’s true. 

Children do like their parents once they get older and get married. And doing that is how we get this beautiful thing called grandchildren. 

This is a description of that. This woman is celebrating the passing on of the generations. And we should celebrate that. And that should happen. More often than not, parents will have children. And somewhere around 20-30 years later, those children will have children. And so on and so forth. And the beat goes on. And that’s good. 

Look at verse 6. Watch what the Shulamite says next. This might be the most important statement in the entire book. 

    • 6 Set me as a seal upon your heart, as a seal upon your arm,

You know this already, but let me just tell you, the “your” in this verse is singular. This is one woman telling one man, “it’s you and me only until death do us part.”

And notice the two body parts here. There’s the heart. And there’s the arm. The arm can be seen. The heart can’t be seen. The arm is a visible, physical symbol. The heart is metaphysical. She wants a seal on both. She wants something to show everyone else that he belongs to her. And she wants something deeper and internal inside of him that establishes that she belongs to him. 

Why does she want this? Why is this important? Here’s why...  

    • for love is strong as death, jealousy is fierce as the grave.

Those of you who have fallen in love... those of you who have experienced the power of love... you know what this means. You read this and say, “Uh-huh! Truth!” This is not hyperbole. Love is strong like death! Jealousy is fierce as the grave! Pat Benatar was right—“Love is a battlefield.”

By the way “jealousy” isn’t negative here. This is not envy or covetousness here. This is a different Hebrew word that can be used positively or negatively. The Lord is jealous for Israel (e.g., Zech. 8:2; Joel 2:18). The Lord is jealous for his people. That’s not sinful. And neither is this. 

    • for love is strong as death, jealousy is fierce as [Sheol]…

Love is so strong... it’s so powerful... she wants assurances. She wants to know that she is his one and only. And she deserves to know that he has set her as a seal upon his arm and a seal upon his heart. She wants those assurances, so that when temptations come, and when marriage gets a little rocky, he’s not going to start looking around for something else. 

She deserves those assurances. She wants a “till death” commitment. And she is right to demand them. 

Here’s the way we indicate that in a modern-day marriage ceremony. This can take different shapes and forms culturally, but this is how we do it. We get in front of witnesses. We exchange the rings that are made of metal. And we make vows. That’s a seal upon the heart, and a seal upon the arm, so to speak. 

And when we hear those vows and that commitment to “love and cherish till death do us part,” we are right as witnesses to expect that couple to fulfill their vows. This is not something you want to mess around with or vow involuntarily. Nobody should be coerced into making those vows!

Why? Because love is strong as death and jealousy is fierce as Sheol. 

Look at the end of verse 6.

    • Its flashes are flashes of fire, the very flame of the Lord.

What in the world does that mean? It means that love is a gift. And there is something intrinsic to the way that God loves that he shares with us in the marriage commitment. 

God places his seal on us... on our hearts. And his commitment to us is irrevocable. We see that in the OT with his people, Israel. We see that in the NT with Jesus Christ and those who are sealed by the Holy Spirit. You can’t be unsealed after you’ve been saved. You can’t be unborn again after you’ve been born again. 

And what God did, is he took one aspect of his unyielding, irrevocable love, and he gave it to us who experience the marriage covenant. And our love is like his love. Those metaphorical flames and flashes of fire are like the very flame of Yahweh.

Go ahead and write this down as #1 in your notes. 

    • 1) Romantic love is powerful and divinely given (8:5–7)

In Greek mythology, Prometheus stole fire from the gods and brought it down to humanity. Zeus punished Prometheus by having him chained to a rock, where an eagle came each day to devour his liver. Each night, his liver grew back, so the torment began again the next morning.

But the fire of romantic love wasn’t stolen by anyone. It is a gift God freely gives to us. It’s a gift, but it’s a powerful gift. Like fire, it can warm a house, or it can burn it down. It has to be used in its proper place. 

Look at verse 7.

    • 7 Many waters cannot quench love, neither can floods drown it.

“Waters” is a reference to the salt water of the Mediterranean Sea. “Floods” is more technically “rivers,” and that is a reference to the fresh water of lakes, streams, rivers, and rainwater. Fresh water can’t extinguish the flame of romantic love. Sea water can’t extinguish the flame of romantic love. It’s that powerful. Water is the great equalizer to fire in this world, but water can’t put this flame out.

Look at the end of verse 7.

    • If a man offered for love all the wealth of his house, he would be utterly despised.

In other words, water can’t extinguish love, and money can’t buy it. If any fool tried to offer money for love, people would despise him. The idea is utterly ridiculous.

In fact, there’s this really cynical reading of Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice. For those of you who have read that book or seen one of the movies, Elizabeth Bennet falls in love with Darcy over time. At first, she despises him, even though he was rich. She doesn’t care about him being rich. And even when asked for her hand in marriage, she refused him, even though he was the solution to all her family’s financial problems. Those who have read the book and are familiar with the story know that you can’t buy me love. 

But here’s where the cynical reading comes in. Some people assume that the moment that Elizabeth Bennet falls in love with Darcy is when she first lays eyes on his estate, Pemberley, and she sees his massive wealth. That’s when she falls in love with him!

I’m sorry, that’s not right. I take umbrage with that view. That’s not what Jane Austen was communicating in that novel. Because she knows... and we know... and Solomon knows...

    • If a man offered for love all the wealth of his house, he would be utterly despised.

In cases where men or women are coerced into marriage because of money, that rarely works out well. 

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Let’s keep going. Look at verse 8.

    • 8 We have a little sister, and she has no breasts. What shall we do for our sister on the day when she is spoken for?

Now, this is an interesting aside in the book. This is the first mention of a “little preadolescent sister.” And some have assumed that this is a flashback. Maybe this involves those lousy brothers who were hard on the Shulamite that we saw in chapter 1.

If you have an ESV Bible, it says “OTHERS” for verses 8–9. The NIV has “FRIENDS.” The NKJV and NLT have “THE SHULAMITE’S BROTHERS” and “THE YOUNG WOMAN’S BROTHERS” respectively. I think all of those are possible. 

But I don’t think the speaker has to change here. I think this is still the Shulamite speaking. And this is not a flashback to her younger years. This is instead a reference to her younger sister. And the “we” here indicates that both she and her older brothers—who were so hard on her when she was young—they have a responsibility now to their younger, prepubescent sister. 

Let me say it another way. The Shulamite has been talking repeatedly in this book to the virgin daughters of Jerusalem. She’s been coaching them up! But now we find out that one of her own kin, her little sister, is in fact one of the virgin daughters of Jerusalem. And so, the Shulamite isn’t just going to adjure her, she’s going to do some other stuff, along with her brothers, and maybe also her parents, to protect the sexual purity of her little sister. 

And that’s why she says in verse 9.

    • 9 If she is a wall,

In other words, “If my little sister is a wall sexually speaking...” That’s a good thing.

    • 9 If she is a wall, we will build on her a battlement of silver,

In other words, “We will help strengthen her resolve toward sexual purity.”

Listen parents, this is the Hebrew equivalent of dad cleaning out his shotgun when some boy comes by to date his daughter. Like I said several times in this series, sexual purity is a community project. It involves family. It involves friends. It involves the community. In our day, it involves the church. 

    • 9 If she is a wall, we will build on her a battlement of silver, but if she is a door,

In other words, “if she is open to exploring sexuality with some guy before the vows...” 

    • we will enclose her with boards of cedar.

We will put the kibosh on that! Nobody gets in until the vows get made. 

Write this down as a second point in your notes:

    • 2) Romantic love is worth protecting (8:8–10)

Now look at verse 10. And look at how the Shulamite takes ownership of her sexuality. She doesn’t just pawn the protection of her purity off on others. She is not a weak and obsequious woman. 

    • 10 I was a wall,

She wasn’t just a door letting guys in! She was a wall. And she was literally impregnable.

    • 10 I was a wall, and my breasts were like towers; then I was in his eyes as one who finds peace.

There’s that word “peace” again, Hebrew Shalom. She’s the Shulamite and she brings “peace” to her husband. She’s the real embodiment of peace and strength and wisdom. She’s everything that Solomon should have been but wasn’t. And this woman is strong. That strength is good. Nothing wrong with that!  

I heard John Piper say once that when husbands go wrong, they go wrong in two ways. They either get really weak and passive. Or they get machismo! So there is irresponsible and apathetic passivity on one side. And there is abusive, domineering machoism on the other side. That’s how they err. 

Now similarly women err in two ways too. On one hand there is brazen insubordination in marriage. “You’re not the boss of me and I refuse to be led by a husband.” That’s not good in marriage. That’s not biblical. And on the other hand there is a groveling, helpless, manipulative obsequiousness. And here’s what that looks like, “Oh no, I dropped my handkerchief.  I can’t pick it up. Can you pick it up for me?” 

What is that? That is not what a strong, intelligent, powerful woman looks like. That’s not the Shulamite!

“I’m a wall!” she says. “My breasts are like towers.” And nobody comes to this body except for my husband. And he finds peace here not war. 

I said several weeks ago that a woman might think she wants a weak man... until she gets one. And then she immediately regrets it. No woman wants a spineless husband or a Peter Pan who refuses to grow up. 

And I think the same is true for men. Men might think they want a weak woman as a wife. But being a wife and mother is not for the faint of heart. You need strength in a woman to do those things. You need strength in a woman to love and cherish and submit to a husband. 

Look, the goal in marriage should be strength under control. It should be power wielded for a purpose. We submit to God. We submit to one another. We channel our power and our energy for a good purpose. We take the fire of romantic love that some people use to burn down their lives, and we channel it to give warmth and grace and health to a home.

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Write down as #3 in your notes. Romantic love is powerful and divinely given. It’s worth protecting. And thirdly...

    • 3) Romantic love is meant to be exclusive (8:11–12)

Now watch what the Shulamite does in verse 11, because this is literarily speaking masterclass. Let me just give you a little clue as to what’s happening. Solomon through the medium of the Shulamite is going to make fun of Solomon. Everyone with me?

I told you already, I believe Solomon wrote this book. And the Shulamite is his literary creation. She is what Solomon should have been in terms of monogamous and faithful in marriage. And Solomon is going to use her, his literary creation, to point out the foolishness of his own life. This is literary genius! 

And Solomon, despite his foolishness, his wisdom never left him. His ability to suss out wisdom and the fear of the Lord in life never left him (Ecc 2:9). 

Look at verse 11... this is the Shulamite speaking. 

    • 11 Solomon had a vineyard at Baal-hamon; he let out the vineyard to keepers; each one was to bring for its fruit a thousand pieces of silver.

Just so you know, “Baal-hamon” is not a real place in Israel. The word Baal means “master.” And the word hamon means “wealth” or “riches” or “abundance” or even a “crowd.” So Solomon had a vineyard called “master of wealth” or “master of a crowd.” This is a metaphorical reference to his wealth. But it is also a metaphorical reference to his many wives. Basically the Shulamite is saying, “Solomon was a rich lothario with an abundance of wealth and an abundance of wives.” It’s every man’s fantasy. Or is it? 

Look at verse 12. 

    • 12 My vineyard, my very own, is before me; you, O Solomon, may have the thousand, and the keepers of the fruit two hundred.

In other words, “You can have your wealth and your women, Solomon. You can have your excesses and abundance. But you don’t own me. You don’t have me. And you don’t have the goodness of monogamy and exclusivity that I have.”

There may even be allusions here to the cost associated with many wives and concubines in the harem. If I’m correct, then at the time of this writing Solomon had sixty queens and eighty concubines (Song 6:8). He would go on to have more later (1 Kgs 11). 

But even at this stage there was an excessive cost in keeping and maintaining those women. He likens them to vineyards and vine-keepers. It’s like Esther and the rest of the harem in Persia with eunuchs and beauty treatments and cha-ching, cha-ching, cha-ching. 

Several years ago I read a biography of Brigham Young. It was utterly fascinating. If any Mormon ever comes to your door looking to convert you, please read that book. It’s as scary and unnerving as a Halloween movie. 

Brigham Young, if you don’t know, had something like 55 wives. And it was expensive for him. It was inconvenient. It was awkward. His wives were always fighting with each other. And it was not desirable, okay. I kind of feel sorry for him reading that book. I would feel sorry for him if it wasn’t for the fact that he was such a shyster. 

And to that you might say, “Tony, you’re making fun of Brigham Young.” Yes, I am. And I’ll make fun of Solomon and his harem too. That wasn’t God’s way. We see that in the book of Deuteronomy. That wasn’t the ideal of Genesis 2, “Man shall leave his father and mother and the two shall become one flesh.”

And it’s not just me. This Shulamite—I love what she does here—This Shulamite makes fun of Solomon. Or, if you will, Solomon makes fun of himself by the literary vehicle of the Shulamite.  

    • 12 My vineyard, my very own, is before me; you, O Solomon, may have the thousand, and the keepers of the fruit two hundred.

“You can have your wives. You can have your riches. You can have your excesses. You can’t have me. And you can’t have a ‘one and only’ like I have a ‘one and only.’”

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And speaking of a “one and only.” Write down as #4 in your notes. 

    • 4) Romantic love is sustained by ongoing intimacy (8:13–14)

Now watch how this book ends. It ends beautifully. Look at verse 13.

    • 13 O you who dwell in the gardens, with companions listening for your voice; let me hear it.

Now the Shulamite is going to get the last word in this book. That’s fitting. But before that, her husband says something to her. He calls to her, “O you who dwell in the gardens with companions listening for your voice.” What does that mean? 

Well the companions are the virgin daughters of Jerusalem and perhaps some other peripheral listeners. They have been her conversation partners throughout this book. And she has taken care of her vineyard. She has cared for her garden, which is a reference to her sexuality, and she is teaching them to do the same. She’s coaching them. She’s adjuring them. She’s protecting them, including her little sister. And she’s showing them how to care for their gardens. 

And the man essentially says in verse 13, “Quit hanging out with your single friends. Why should they monopolize your time? I want to hear your voice. I want to spend time with you. I’m your husband! Let’s hang out!” 

And notice men in the room, there is not even a hint of sexual suggestion in what he says. He just wants to spend time with her. He just wants to hear her voice, which he said already is sweet (Song 2:14).

But notice what she says in verse 14. Notice how she responds. 

    • 14 Make haste, my beloved, and be like a gazelle or a young stag on the mountains of spices.

Let me paraphrase that for you... this is a fitting end to the book. She says, “Okay, my beloved. Come to me. Take me away. Be like a gazelle or a young stag, and delight in the body of the woman who loves you.”

Let me just explain one final euphemism in this book. She doesn’t say “Mount Spice,” as though she’s giving him directions to a geographical location. And it’s not Mt. Spices either. It’s the “mountains of spices.” What’s that?  Well, this is akin to the “cleavage mountains” in 4:5–6. 

So what does she mean by saying, “Make haste and come to the mountains of spices!” You know what she means by that! And the book of Song of Solomon ends on a sexual note. It’s not prude; it’s not crude. It’s subtle, but it’s not unintelligible. The book ends by celebrating exclusive lovemaking between a wife and her husband. The End. 

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Now let me close with this. I want to close out this book of the Bible and this series personally by sharing with you the two great loves of my life. Someday, when I go home to glory, and maybe one of you in the room is going to do my funeral... please, please, please emphasize these two loves of mine. Maybe that sounds kind of macabre, me talking about my funeral. But I’m almost half a century old. Been married for more than a quarter century. I’ve lived longer than 80% of the humans who have ever lived on planet earth. When you reckon with that you inevitably start thinking about your own mortality.

And here are my two great loves. Let me start with the penultimate “love” of my life. A little over a quarter of a century ago, I asked a woman named Sanja to be my lawfully wedded wife. And together we have been through all of the highs and lows of life. And she has been my constant companion, friend, lover, and fellow parent to our son. And it’s been wonderful. And I pray that every young person in this room or single person who desires marriage might experience the goodness of friendship and love that I have experienced with Sanja.

In a few weeks, Sanja and I will celebrate 26 years of marriage. We’re going to celebrate by going to Puerto Rico. So if you need pastoral help the second week of December, Pastor Mike will be at your disposal. I’ll be unavailable.

But this is where I need to speak of the other great love of my life. And coincidently, my love for Sanja has enhanced this other love. I want it said at my funeral... I desire for the first thing to be said about me... put it on my tombstone if I ever have a tombstone... I want it said of me, “He loved the Lord.” And I can tell you with absolute confidence and assurance that my love for God is not unrequited. He loves me too. In fact, he loved me first. And he has loved me better and more faithfully than I have loved him. 

And if I spend the rest of my life just talking about the good gift of marriage that God has given me and the good gift of love and salvation that God has given me through Jesus Christ his Son, I will be satisfied with that. In my mind, there’s nothing better than those two things. 

The title of this message is “Can’t Buy Me Love.” Thank you, Paul McCartney for that wonderful song. Let me close by saying two things about that concerning my two loves. 

First of all, when Sanja met me, I was a poor, unimpressive, college student who had aspirations of being in full-time ministry. In other words, there weren’t exactly dollar signs hovering over my head. And Sanja likewise came to America with almost literally nothing, and she worked hard to earn everything she got. And neither of us married for money. We fell in love with each other and that love is as strong as death. It’ll last till death.

And the parallel with the Lord is even more stark. We don’t come to the Lord with anything of value. When Simon the magician tried to buy the gifts of the Holy Spirit in Acts 8, the Apostle Peter just about lost his ever-loving mind! We don’t purchase our salvation with money or with works. And we don’t buy God’s love for us. 

And that prompts the question, why does God love us? I don’t know. We’re honestly not that lovable. But he loved us. And his love was a strong as death. And his love for us was embodied in his death for our sin. His love is not till death do us part. There is no parting ever. 

And we don’t buy his love or his grace with cash or with quid pro quo works. We receive his love freely by faith. Receive that gift. Receive God’s love. Receive it by faith.