Colossians 3:18-4:1: “Worshipping Christ in the Family & Workplace.”

 Let’s take our Bibles together and turn to the book of Colossians, Colossians 3:18–4:1. We are nearing the end of our verse-by-verse study of this book in our series “Preeminence.” And today we come to the most practical section of this book that teaches us how to worship Christ in our families and in our workplaces.

And why is that important? Why is this section of Scripture—Colossians 3:18–4:1—important?

Several years ago, James Dobson wrote about a troubled young man who grew up in a dysfunctional household. That’s an understatement. Here’s what Dobson writes:

“He began his life with all the classic handicaps and disadvantages. His mother was a powerfully built, dominating woman who found it difficult to love anyone. She had been married three times, and her second husband divorced her because she beat him up regularly. The father of the child … was her third husband; he died of a heart attack a few months before the child’s birth. As a consequence the mother had to work long hours from his earliest childhood.

She gave him no affection, no love, no discipline, and no training during those early years. She even forbade him to call her at work. Other children had little to do with him, so he was alone most of the time. He was absolutely rejected from his earliest childhood. When he was thirteen years old a school psychologist commented that he probably didn’t even know the meaning of the word love. During adolescence, the girls would have nothing to do with him and he fought with the boys.

Despite a high IQ, he failed academically, and finally dropped out during his third year of high school. He thought he might find acceptance in the Marine Corps; they reportedly built men, and he wanted to be one. But his problems went with him. The other Marines laughed at him and ridiculed him. He fought back, resisted authority, and was court-martialed and thrown out of the Marines with an undesirable discharge. So there he was—a young man in his early twenties, absolutely friendless. He was small and scrawny in stature. He had an adolescent squeak in his voice. He was balding. He had no talent, no skill, no sense of worthiness.

Once again he thought he could run from his problems, so he went to live in a foreign country. But he was rejected there also. While there he married a girl who had been an illegitimate child and brought her back to America with him. Soon she began to develop the same contempt for him that everyone else displayed. She bore him two children, but he never enjoyed the status and respect a father should have. His marriage continued to crumble. His wife demanded more and more things that he could not provide. Instead of being his ally against the bitter world, as he hoped, she became his most vicious opponent. She could outfight him, and she learned to bully him. On one occasion she locked him in the bathroom as punishment. Finally she forced him to leave.

He tried to make it on his own, but he was terribly lonely. After days of solitude, he went home and literally begged her to take him back. He surrendered all pride. Despite his meager salary, he brought her $78 as a gift, asking her to take it and spend it any way she wished. But she belittled his feeble attempts to supply the family’s needs. She ridiculed his failure. At one point he fell on his knees and wept bitterly as the darkness of his private nightmare enveloped him.

Finally, in silence he pleaded no more. No one wanted him. No one had ever wanted him. The next day he was a strangely different man. He arose, went to the garage, and took down a rifle he had hidden there. He carried it with him to his newly acquired job at a book storage building. And from a window on the third floor of that building, shortly after noon, November 22, 1963, he sent two shells crashing into the head of President John Fitzgerald Kennedy.

Lee Harvey Oswald, the rejected, unlovable failure, killed the man who, more than any other man on earth, embodied all the success, beauty, wealth, and family affection which he lacked.[] In firing that rifle, he utilized the one skill he had learned in his entire, miserable lifetime.”

That tragedy took place more than sixty years ago. But the pattern of a lost and transgressive young person has been painfully repeated in American society again and again and again. And that’s why God’s word is not silent on the importance and the goodness of a well-ordered family—a family that puts God first and honors the Lord in all that they do.

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Let’s look at that this morning. We’re going to start by looking at the Christian family, and then we can transition to work in the Christian life.

What should a Christian family look like? Write this down as #1 in your notes.

1) Christian families should be ordered properly (3:18–21)

And that includes husbands, wives, children, and parents. Paul curiously starts with wives in verse 18. I don’t know why he does that. This must have been something very important for him to convey to the church in Colossae.

He writes in verse 18,

¹⁸ Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.

Notice, if you will, the number of times that “the Lord” (Greek: κύριος [kyrios]) is invoked in this passage. This is not an isolated occurrence in verse 18.

In verse 20, Paul says,

“this pleases the Lord.”

In verse 22, Paul says,

“fearing the Lord.”

In verse 23,

“work heartily, as for the Lord.”

In verse 24,

“knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance.”

Also in verse 24,

“You are serving the Lord Christ.”

And in chapter 4, verse 1, Paul says,

“you also have a Master [Capital M—Master] in heaven.”

It’s actually the same Greek word as the previous (κύριος), even though the ESV understandably translates it differently in English. That’s seven references to “the Lord” in this passage. That is what we call emphasis, folks!

And Paul connects all these roles and responsibilities (wives, husbands, children, parents, servants, masters) to our identity in Christ and our submission ultimately to him. That’s why the title of this message is “Worshipping Christ in the Family and in the Workplace.” This passage is an outworking of chapter 3, verse 17,

“And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.”

And as part of that expectation, Paul tells wives in the church family to submit to their husbands. Let’s talk about that. Let’s talk about this term and this mindset that Paul calls “fitting in the Lord.” What is biblical submission?

Notice in the text that women are not called to submit to every man under the sun. And notice too that men don’t have moral authority over all women. No, this is each, particular wife submitting to her own husband in the church.

And a wife is not called to be subservient to her husband. Neither is she called inferior to her husband. It would be wrong for us to infer that from this verse. If submission meant inferiority, then our whole doctrine of the Trinity would fall apart because Christ submits to God the Father. How could that imply inferiority?

And yet, let’s move beyond the caveats, submission does mean something. What does it mean? Here’s the Greek word used in Colossians 3: ὑποτάσσω. It means “to submit” or “to be subject to.” This word has the idea of voluntarily putting yourself under the authority of another. The Greek ὑπο means “under.” And the Greek τάσσω means “to place.” So wives are commanded here to place themselves under the authority of their husbands.

Here’s a great definition of submission from the book Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood:

“Submission refers to a wife’s divine calling to honor and affirm her husband’s leadership and help carry it through according to her gifts. It is not an absolute surrender of her will. Rather, we speak of her disposition to yield to her husband’s guidance and her inclination to follow his leadership.”

So “submission” means following the lead of a husband. It means that when husband and wife reach an impasse in terms of decision-making, God wants the husband to take the initiative and lovingly lead his wife and his children forward.

The word we use to describe this dynamic in conservative Christian circles is complementarity. Men and women fulfill complementary roles in the Christian family. And having properly ordered homes where husbands lead, and wives follow, is pleasing to God and better serves the dynamics of family life. It is “fitting in the Lord.”

Do men sometimes lead badly? Yes. Do husbands make mistakes? Yes. Do wayward and irresponsible men invalidate or nullify God’s instructions in the Scriptures? No.

Several years ago, I read about Queen Elizabeth II and her marriage to Prince Philip. When they got married, they debated the clause in the Anglican wedding ceremony where the wife is called to submit to the husband. The issue was this: How could the Queen of England, and the head of the church in Anglican theology, be reasonably expected to submit to her husband? Should that clause be taken out?

Well, Queen Elizabeth, to her credit, left that clause in. She was a devout, God-fearing woman. And despite the challenge that it would create, she felt it was better to obey the tenets of Scripture that had been implemented in the marriage ceremony. Whatever challenges it would create for her queenship, she would have to sort that out.

Someone might respond to verse 18 by saying, “Pastor Tony, submission is a hard concept to embrace and practice in this modern-day world.” I agree. But I would add that it can’t be any harder for a woman to embrace and practice today than it was for the Queen of England. If she could embrace it and figure it out, we can too.

And speaking of the modern-day world, let me just say this as well. We live in a day where people, for whatever reason, are trying to blur the lines between man and woman, husband and wife. We’ve got men pretending to be women, and women pretending to be men. Men are pretending to marry men, and women are pretending to marry women. And the world is fawning all over that like it’s something amazing, even though it’s incredibly dangerous and incredibly harmful to those individuals and others. I would just say, “I don’t really want to follow the path of the modern-day world, thank you very much. I think there’s good reason to lean into conservative complementarianism right now.”

I’ve told this story before. When Sanja and I got married, Sanja already had a college degree and an MBA. She had a good-paying job at a local CPA firm. She had moved from Croatia to America at age 17 and figured out how to be successful in the English-speaking business world of America—no small feat. I, on the other hand, had barely graduated from college. I was an underpaid youth pastor, looking for a second job. When people looked in on our situation, they would have said, “That guy should submit to her authority, not her to his.” And yet, that’s not what God required of us. I needed to step it up as a husband and as a leader. And Sanja was called to submit to my leadership.

This is “fitting in the Lord.” And here’s the other side of that. Paul says in verse 19.

¹⁹ Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.

In ancient Roman society, you had something called the paterfamilias. This was the understanding that men were to lead their homes, their families, and their wives. But you never had in any ancient society this command to “love your wife.” This is distinctively biblical in the ancient world.

And Paul’s words here echo the language of Ephesians 5.

“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” (Eph 5:25).

Paul said there that wives are to

“submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord… as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands” (Eph 5:22, 24).

Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 11:3,

“Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of a woman.”

This is an important Christian ethic in the NT. Peter affirms something similar in 1 Peter 3:1–7.

But Paul adds a different wrinkle here in Colossians. He says, “As part of your role as a Christ-imitating man who is loving a wife like Christ loves the church… a wife who voluntarily submits herself to your authority… let me be absolutely clear about this… don’t you dare be harsh with them, husbands.”

Was this a problem in the church in Colossae? Were there harsh husbands in the Colossian church? I don’t know. Has this been a problem for husbands through history? Yes, it has. When husbands behave badly, they brutalize and polygamize and verbally abuse their wives. Paul says, “Don’t you do that in the church, husband!”

“What do I do, then Paul?”

“Here’s what you do! You ἀγαπάω (agapaō)! You show her agape love! You love your wife as Christ loves the church. You sacrifice for her. You die to yourself for the benefit of your wife and your children. Jesus never abuses his church! Jesus never abandons her or berates her or demeans her! He’s never harsh with her. Jesus is the example in all these things.”

Whenever I do a wedding as a pastor, here’s something that I say. I say this at every wedding I do. I say to the groom, “[Groom], the Bible teaches that husbands are called to lead their homes. So you [Tom, Dick, Harry, whatever your name is!] lead well. Your wife doesn’t need you to be her Messiah. Jesus is her Messiah. But you are called to love her like her Messiah loves her. You are called to lead humbly and sacrificially. And this bride is making a vow today to follow your leadership and to go where you lead. So be a good caretaker of your wife’s heart.”

Is the groom listening when I say those things at the wedding? Probably not. He’s too busy admiring his bride. Besides, we covered that already in premarital counseling. But I say it anyway for the benefit of the people who are married and listening in at the wedding.

So in a properly ordered family, you have a wife that submits. You have a husband who leads. The next practical question is, “What about the kids?”

What about the kids? Look at verse 20.

²⁰ Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.

Children in the room, let me talk to you for a moment. When you obey your parents you are pleasing the Lord and doing right by them. You are obeying the fifth commandment. You are honoring them. And it’s God’s will for your life to honor them and obey them.

Do parents make mistakes? Yes. Are parents perfect? No. Will your parents give you commands at times that you think are ridiculous and are hard to obey? Yes. That’s part of what motivates kids to grow up, move out, and start their own families.

But when you obey your parents in everything, you are pleasing the Lord. When Alastair was little, we used to sing this song together,

Children obey your parents in the Lord.

Children obey your parents in the Lord.

For this is right. For this is right. 
Children obey your parents, in the Lord.

You know what that is, parents? That’s good, old-fashioned brainwashing. It’s the same thing that Taylor Swift does. We just did it better than her.

Parents, let me talk to you for a moment. When you require your children to obey you, you are doing right. That is a right and good way to honor the Lord and do what’s best for your children. Children don’t thrive when their parents are spineless jellyfish. Children don’t thrive when parents want to be their kids’ friends instead of the authority in their lives. Children need strong, disciplinarian parents.

Now, let’s be clear. Do parents need to be disobeyed sometimes when they require their children to do evil? Yes. We must obey God rather than men (Acts 5:29). Some children come to Christ despite the explicit instructions of their parents. Are they wrong for that? No.

Do wives need to be unsubmissive when their husbands ask them to do something that defies God? Yes. They must obey God rather than men (Acts 5:29). The lesser of two evils is disobeying the human authority instead of the divine authority. The greater of the two goods is submitting to God instead of submitting to humans, when those two things are in conflict.

But listen, those are hard cases. And hard cases make bad law. Some parents shouldn’t be parents, and they need to be removed from that role. But that doesn’t negate or nullify the goodness of God’s ideal for the Christian family.

And speaking of parents, Paul says in verse 21.

²¹ Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.

The word for “fathers” here is the Greek πατήρ (patēr), which could be translated “parents.” In fact, this word is used for “parents” in Hebrews 11:23, speaking of Moses’s parents. But I don’t think that’s what Paul is conveying here. If he wanted to say “parents” here, he would have used the same word in verse 20, γονεύς (goneus). “Children, obey your (γονεύς) in everything, for this pleases the Lord.” So Paul pivots from “parents” (γονεύς) to “fathers” (πατήρ). Why?

I don’t know why. But probably Paul realizes that in the majority of cases where parents do badly and provoke and discourage their children, it’s a father, not a mother. So fathers, this is good medicine from Scripture for you. Receive it.

do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.

John Newton, the great preacher and hymn-writer, said once,

“I know that my father loved me—but he did not seem to wish me to see it.”

Parents in the room, and dads in particular, don’t leave your children in any doubt, either by your actions, or by your words, that you love them. Tell them that often. And show them that often.

And by the way, part of what’s required of a father… one of the things that is implicit to Paul’s instructions here is that fathers are active and present in the lives of their children. That was so much of an expectation in the first century world, even among heathens, that Paul doesn’t even have to say anything about that.

But in our day, we’ve got to say something about it, because fatherlessness isn’t just a problem; it’s an epidemic. And children sometimes are viewed not as a blessing from the Lord, but as a burden. Children are seen as a drain on resources, and families who have many children are chided for being a drain on the economy and the ecosystem. That mentality is thoroughly unbiblical. It defies the creation mandate.

The infamous eugenicist Margeret Sanger said once,

“The most serious evil of our times is that of encouraging the bringing into the world of large families. The most immoral practice of the day is breeding too many children.”

And yet, the Bible says,

“Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate” (Ps 127:3–5).

Yes, children are a gift from God. They are a heritage. But they are also a trust. We are called to discipline them and raise them and disciple them and teach them to fear God. And as part of that Paul commands fathers,

“Do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.”

Dads in the room, take that to heart.

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Write this down as a second point in your notes. After dealing with our family ethic, now Paul wants to deal with our work ethic. So write this down as #2 in your notes.

1) Christian families should be ordered properly (3:18–21)

2) Christian work should be wholehearted (3:22–25)

Both of these, as I’ve said already, are an outworking of our worship. Both of these are expressions of what Paul said earlier,

“And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus.”

Paul says in verse 22,

²² Bondservants, obey in everything those who are your earthly masters, not by way of eye-service, as people-pleasers, but with sincerity of heart, fearing the Lord.

Now let’s deal with the elephant in the room, before we drill down more specifically on this passage and how to apply it in our lives. Paul says “bondservants” in verse 22. The Greek word is δοῦλος (doulos), and it refers to slaves. And slaves have masters. And this was an inescapable part of the first century world. Slavery as a concept and a practice is as old as ancient history. It has universally been part of our world all around the world. The anomaly throughout human history isn’t slavery, it’s abolition.

And so here we are. We live in a day and in a country where—thanks to the courage of people like William Wilberforce and Abraham Lincoln and Frederick Douglass and Harriet Tubman and the reformed slave trader turned pastor John Newton—slavery as a practice has been abolished. And that’s a wonderful thing.

But Paul didn’t live in that world. Slavery was an ever-present reality in his day. Precise numbers are impossible to determine, but historians estimate that millions of people were enslaved throughout the Roman Empire. And there were probably several slaves as well as masters in the church in Colossae.

And just to be clear, Roman slavery differed in important respects from the race-based chattel slavery practiced in the United States before the Civil War. The slavery practiced in this country and elsewhere in the Atlantic world was especially heinous because it involved the kidnapping, trafficking, and hereditary enslavement of a particular race of people (Africans and their descendants). The situation was different in the Roman world. Roman slavery was not based primarily on race, though it was still a cruel institution. Was slavery still appalling and oppressive in many cases? Absolutely. Enslaved people could be bought and sold, separated from their families, abused, and forced into hard labor. Is society better off without that practice? Absolutely. But Paul’s not addressing that topic and that injustice directly in this book.

He does address it more in the book of Philemon, which, if you remember was delivered at the same time to the same church in Colossae. Paul sent the runaway slave, Onesimus, back to his slave master, Philemon. And one of the things that he says to Philemon in that book is, “Philemon, you need to forgive, Onesimus. Onesimus is your brother in Christ. And you need to treat him as such.”

Now some people might ask, “Does the Apostle Paul give tacit approval to slavery in his writings? In the book of Colossians and in the book of Philemon?” I don’t think so. I think Paul was dealing with the world as it was. Ancient Rome was not a democratic republic. And rebellion against the status quo in that day would have led to unnecessary bloodshed and persecution for the church.

And Paul has already done a fair amount to flatten the distinction between slave and free. He said earlier that both slave and free are welcomed into the Christian community that is

“being renewed in knowledge after the image of its creator.”

In the book of Galatians, which Paul wrote years earlier, he said that in Christ there is neither slave nor free (3:28).

And Paul presses that point home more forcefully in the book of Philemon. I heard one pastor say that the book of Philemon is ultimately a book about reconciliation, not slavery. But even if that book (and the rest of the NT) doesn’t address the issue of slavery head on, it does implicitly fight against that practice.

As an American, I wish that we as a nation had addressed the issue of slavery earlier than we did. Because slavery, as it was practiced in this country and others, is an ungodly and abominable practice. Again, thank God it has been abolished.

So when we read verse 22, I think we should do two things. I think we should praise God that the bondservant/master relationship isn’t applicable in our world. But we should still look to apply these verses because, as 2 Timothy 3:16–17 says,

“All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work.”

So, let’s look at the text again.

²² Bondservants, obey in everything those who are your earthly masters, not by way of eye-service, as people-pleasers, but with sincerity of heart, fearing the Lord.

Praise God that we don’t have bondservants and masters in our society. But we do have hierarchy. We do have employee and employer relationships. And in light of that, let me utilize a “how much more?” argument in light of that. This is what the Hebrews of old called a “qal wahomer” argument or a “how much more” argument. Jesus did this all the time.

If bondservants in the first century were called to serve their masters with sincerity of heart fearing the Lord, how much more should we as employees serve our employers with sincerity of heart fearing the Lord. Everyone with me?

We don’t serve by way of eye-service. We don’t serve well and obey only when we are being watched. And we don’t serve as people-pleasers or brownnosers or corporate-ladder climbers. We serve our employers with sincerity of heart. We serve well because it’s right and good to honor authority. And we do it ultimately for the Lord. We fear God, and we believe we will be rewarded by God for it.

And speaking of that, look at verse 23.

²³ Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men,

That word “heartily” there is actually the Greek word for soul. “Work soulfully,” says Paul. Work hard with your whole soul as if you are working for the Lord, which ultimately you actually are. Because the Lord will reward you.

²⁴ knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ.

That was true for the first century slave. It’s also true for the twenty-first century employee. It’s a dog-eat-dog world out there. I get it. Employees are often overworked, underpaid, and underappreciated. You get laid off, downsized, and demoted. Your job gets eliminated, outsourced, or replaced by AI.

Sixteen tons and what do you get

Another day older and deeper in debt

And yet, still, Scripture holds.

work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men,

²⁴ knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ.

Notice if you will “the Lord Christ” at the end of verse 24. For those who would suggest that the Bible never affirms the deity of Christ, behold, I give you Colossians 3:24.

You are serving the Lord Christ.

Work as unto the Lord, Christian. That’s your mentality every time you go into work and work an 8-hour, 10-hour, or 12-hour shift. I’m serving the Lord Christ. I’m serving the Lord Christ.

And after the positive reinforcement of hard work and submission in verse 24, Paul gives some negative reinforcement too. Look at verse 25.

²⁵ For the wrongdoer will be paid back for the wrong he has done, and there is no partiality.

God is no respecter of persons. He will judge each man and woman according to their deeds without partiality.

In response to verse 25, you might ask, “Who is Paul talking about there? The bad master or the bad slave? In our context, the bad employer or the bad employee?” I think he’s referencing both. Nobody gets away with evil. The lazy employee will be punished and so will the harsh employer.

In fact, you can draw a line from verse 18 all the way to verse 25 and say more broadly that nobody gets away with evil. The bad spouse will be punished eventually. There is no partiality. The bad parent will be punished eventually. There is no partiality. The disobedient child will be punished eventually. There is no partiality. The bad employee and employer will be punished eventually. There is no partiality. Nobody gets away with evil. Either in this world or in the world to come the wrongdoer will be paid back for the wrong done.

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And that leads to a third and final point. Paul says,

3) Christian masters should be conscious of their heavenly Master (4:1)

Paul says in chapter 4, verse 1.

¹ Masters, treat your bondservants justly and fairly, knowing that you also have a Master in heaven.

If verse 25 was a threat, Paul doesn’t back off of that in chapter 4, verse 1. He doubles down. Masters, you have a Master! Watch yourself.

I can see Philemon squirming in his sandals in Colossae as Paul says this. Paul is saying, “Watch yourself, Philemon. Treat your bondservant justly and fairly, just like you would want your Master in heaven to treat you.”

And let me expound just a bit on what Paul is saying here and bring this entire passage together. Paul is saying something like this to all of us. Husbands, treat your wives justly and fairly, knowing that you have a heavenly husband waiting for you in eternity. Parents, treat your children justly and fairly, knowing that you have a heavenly parent and rewarder waiting for you in eternity. Employers, treat your employees justly and fairly, knowing that you have a heavenly employer and rewarder waiting for you in eternity.

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One of the things that Paul is emphasizing in this final verse is that there’s a finality to these human relationships coming. Marriage is momentary. Sex and childrearing are temporary. Slave/master relationships won’t continue on into eternity. Employee/employer relationships won’t continue on into eternity.

Someday I will see Sanja in the New Jerusalem and I’ll say, “Hey, good to see you.” And I’ll see my son and say, “Another great day in paradise. Today’s even better than yesterday, and yesterday was fantastic.” And all of our affections and all of our worship and all of our attention will be drawn in perfect worship to our Master and our Savior and our Bridegroom, Jesus. Paul knows that. Paul knows that these temporary, earthly relationships won’t last forever.

But still, in the meantime, our families need to be ordered properly. Our work lives need to be ordered properly; they need to be wholehearted and dutiful. And we are called on this side of eternity to worship Christ in our families and in our workplaces.

“And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him” (Col 3:17).